8 Varieties of Narcissists – Avoid The Trap!

Narcissism is tricky. In addition to it falling on a spectrum of severity, there are different types of narcissists. The inner conflict is similar – not believing who they are is acceptable or enough to get their needs met – but the way they attempt to get those needs met differs. Narcissists don’t necessarily fit into any single category. They may possess characteristics from several of the categories.

Though there are differences, some things are similar among types of narcissists:

• You will never truly know the narcissist. They create and maintain a false self to stay far away from their true self and all the pain and overwhelming feelings it holds.

• In public, the narcissist often appears generous, kind, successful, intelligent, well-loved and extremely charming. In private, those close to them experience another side entirely. They can be selfish, cruel, rageful, abusive, and exploitative. They may display a sense of entitlement, lack empathy and are often unfaithful in thought, word and/or deed.

• They manufacture situations in their lives, often in very cunning ways, to create jealousy and insecurity in their victims, while at the same time, saying derogatory things about the victim’s reaction, making them appear crazy, needy or oversensitive. This keeps the victim insecure and ensures that the narcissist’s need for power and control in the relationship are met.

• Many narcissists are unwilling or unable to change their behavior, no matter how destructive it is.

1. The Grandiose Narcissist

The grandiose narcissist is easy to identify, but seductive enough that some people still get drawn in by their charisma. They seek power, acclaim, attention and domination outwardly, as the mechanisms they use to try and get their needs met are externalized. But, they can fluctuate between states of grandiosity and vulnerability, so they may be challenging to identify.

They can be self-absorbed, callous, entitled, authoritarian and aggressive–some to the point of being physically abusive. They may have an unrealistic sense of superiority over others and try to assert dominance over them, while overestimating their own abilities.

You may be able to recall public figures or celebrities who fit this description. They can be charming, attention-seeking extroverts. Their vanity, entitlement, boldness and self-obsession can be obnoxious and easily seen, as they constantly seek the spotlight. They react strongly if they don’t get the respect or treatment that they believe they deserve.

In conversation, you would likely notice that the grandiose narcissist does not have a filter. They do not listen, because they aren’t interested in what you have to say. They are focused on bringing the conversation back to themselves, where they are comfortable.

If you ask the grandiose narcissist, they report high self-esteem and life satisfaction, despite causing others pain.

2. The Covert Narcissist

Covert narcissists are higher functioning and harder to detect. While the covert narcissist craves recognition, they often appear shy or try to make themselves inconspicuous by appearing modest and humble. They fear, and are so extremely sensitive to criticism, that they may shy away from attention.

They can be inhibited, envious, self-absorbed, moody, entitled, exploitative, manipulative, aggressive. They lack empathy. Their narcissistic traits are more internalized, often causing them to withdraw from others with hostility, blame and resentment. Many covert narcissists lack autonomy and have a weak sense of self, perhaps even experiencing imposter syndrome.

Unlike the grandiose narcissist, they are unhappy and insecure in their lives. They typically experience higher levels of anxiety, distress, guilt, depression, hypersensitivity and shame. They hold both inflated and negative, irrational views of themselves, that they then project onto other people. They lack positive relationships in their lives.

In interactions, they will ask lots of questions and seem interested in you. They may even mimic your body language and offer you compliments to get you to trust them. They look for a way in, trying to uncover something that has hurt you in the past. Then, in response to that information, they assure you that they are someone who would never do that to you. Afraid of abandonment? They will promise to always be there for you. They seem to be the answer to all your prayers. Then, they will turn around and use your fear to manipulate and disempower you.

They are drawn to empaths and codependent people who desire to save the narcissist from their misery, but the victims sacrifice themselves instead and end up feeling responsible for the narcissist. Many of us are walking around as wounded children inside of adult bodies, unconsciously seeking our parent’s love and devotion that we never had, which leaves us incredibly vulnerable to the covert narcissist.

In order to control, they are threat-oriented and distrustful. They often feel miserable and believe that their suffering is worse than anyone else’s.  

They may have been hurt before, but it isn’t our job to save them or rescue them. They will pull us right down with them, until we realize that we must make a decision–to save ourselves or save them. There isn’t another way.

3. The Malignant Narcissist

The malignant narcissist is the most severe type of narcissist, due to their cruelty and aggressiveness. They will stop at nothing to get what they want and need. They are manipulative, malicious, and obtain pleasure by seeing people experience pain and discomfort. They feel privileged and have an exaggerated sense of self-importance. They lust after power, allowing them to exploit others.

They are paranoid, immoral and sadistic. They enjoy creating chaos and wounding people. The malignant narcissist is more closely related to the psychopath and those with anti-social personality disorder. Adolph Hitler was an example of the malignant narcissist.

Never try to outsmart a narcissist–especially a malignant narcissist. They are the masters of their own destructive game.

4. The Sexual Narcissist

The sexual narcissist is often consumed by their obsession with looks and sexual performance, and the need for sexual admiration from others. They often have an overly positive perspective on their own sexual prowess. Being sexual is an effective way for the narcissist to get a large hit of narcissistic supply from their victim.

Sexual narcissists may be serial cheaters, use sex to manipulate others, and may behave violently during sex. They may also be manipulative to the point that their victims believe that want violent or atypical sex, while outside of the influence of the abuse, that desire does not exist.

They aren’t capable of intimacy. One’s ability to be intimate comes from the connection to our true selves. Narcissists have banished their true selves, in favor of a false persona that they have created to try to gain the validation and acceptance that they need. They will often incorporate toys, props, or even other people in their sexual interactions. These things prevent them from facing true intimacy with their partner.

5. The Somatic Narcissist

Somatic narcissists derive their sense of self-worth from their bodies. They obtain their narcissistic supply from their physique, exercise, physical or sexual prowess, or by having romantic or physical conquests. They have a need to feel more beautiful, stronger or more fit than others. They may obsess over their weight and appearance and are often critical of others based upon those same criteria.

In relationships, the somatic narcissist will ignore the needs of others and prioritize their own.

6. The Intellectual Narcissist

The intellectual or cerebral narcissist gets their sense of self from their mind, not their body. They are high functioning people who get their narcissistic supply from intellectual or academic achievements. They are empowered by feeling smarter, more clever and more intelligent than others, often trying to make others feel unintelligent.

They have an exaggerated sense of self-importance. They are typically articulate, energetic, outgoing and achievement oriented.

It is impossible to win an argument or get them to admit you are right, so it’s probably best to let it go.

7. Spiritual Narcissist

Abuse by the spiritual narcissist can be one of the most damaging forms of narcissistic abuse. It hijacks our connection to our Source, a sacred connection designed to be a safe, stable foundational part of our lives. Spiritual narcissists use their spirituality as a tool to manipulate or diminish people. They also use it to justify the harmful behaviors they engage in. Often, they use spiritual language to attempt to intimidate others, presenting themselves as having a superior connection with God. Their vision is “the” vision and their followers often become dependent upon the spiritual narcissist, abandoning themselves and their own inner wisdom to follow the direction of the spiritual narcissist.

They often use actions that seem spiritual and sensitive to gain trust and elevate themselves above all others. In truth what they are doing is projecting an idealized version of themselves to escape the broken, insecure true self within.

Wounded people and those whose lives are in upheaval are more vulnerable to the spiritual narcissist’s captivating, dynamic influence.

Jim Jones, cult leader, is one example of a spiritual narcissist. His manipulations and horrific actions show the tragic, deadly side of narcissistic abuse.

8. Altruistic Narcissist

Altruistic narcissists attempt to gain a sense of self by giving to others, in order to receive the appreciation and praise that results. This gives them a feeling of superiority which they use to disprove the feeling of worthlessness inside. Their need for attention and validation is constantly fed by doing good for other people, by being seen doing it, and by having others that rely on them.

In relationships, they are either the victim or the hero, with little in between.  When they aren’t being touted as the hero, they may switch to feeling that they give and give, and get little in return. In a marriage, they may feel that they do all the work, and their partner doesn’t give enough, never recognizing all that their partner does.

The altruistic narcissist may be found in positions within ministry, human services, and community organizations that are altruistic in nature. They often donate to charities and lavish gifts on the people around them.

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It is my hope that with the information in this article, you will be able to better identify and avoid abusive narcissistic behavior. Awareness is empowerment, and self-care, safety, and sanity are the goal!